Funny Quotes

So, you like simposns eh?

Homer Quotes:
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Oh, so they have internet on computers now!
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer no function beer well without.
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

Bart Quotes:
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas.
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?
What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.

Lisa Quote:
Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone!

Ralph Quote:
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

Principal Skinner Quotes:
I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes ... I believe I'll start, as you've so often suggested, by eating your shorts!
I have caught word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it.
That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
There's no justice like angry-mob justice.

Apu Quotes:
Mister Simpson! I will ask you to purchase your groceries, get out of this store and come again!
Pleas do not offer my God a peanut.

Chief Wiggum Quotes:
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?
This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless!
All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty.

Mr Burns Quotes:
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.
What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.
Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!
So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?

Nelson Quotes:
We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let's pound his kidneys.
Hey, that hurts. No wonder no one came to my birthday party.

Get a load of those.