[pgstyle]?I can?t believe I lost my concentration and mindfulness. My attention span is getting shorter when it comes to fixing the mind on the breath meditation. I can?t even keep the repetitive recitation of the Buddha?s name for more than ten minutes in my mind?. She scowled herself and resume the sweeping motions of the broom, determined to merge her mind with the awareness of the breath. However, after a few minutes passed, she found again that her mind had drifted away and became distracted. She scowled herself again because she nearly killed an ant with her broom. Squatting down, she watched the little black thing lying on it?s back with all its legs frantically kicking off the air, trying to flip itself back on the ground. ?poor thing? she squatted down and offered her finger for the ant?s legs to hold on to and waited for it to climb on her finger. She giggled feeling the ant?s feet tickling her hand?s skin. Walking to the side where the grasses starts to grow, she gently waited for it to climb onto a blade of grass. Watching the little ant reminded her of the lady bug incident. It was a few years ago, in Mishima High school. She recalled the time when she actually kicked Hwaorang?s front wheels from rolling straight to save a lady bug stranded on the path of the road. She thought she might have overdone her sidekick. Hwaorang who reacted instantly without a thought, mistaken the speed gauge as his brakes. Pressing too suddenly on his speed gauge, his motorbike went uncontrolled and nearly crashed on an oak tree. Hwaorang went mad when he saw the slightly bended tire left after the kick. Almost jumping off his wheels, he unbuckled and took off his helmet and threw it on the grass field. Coming aggressively towards her, He hollered at the chinese girl mercilessly: ?WHAT DA HELL?? ARE YOU CRAZY?? WHAt DID YOU DO THAT FOR??? ? and his eyeballs got bigger as he watch in amazement the petite girl who had just violently kicked his precious tires now dropped down on all fours infront of him, oblivious to her surroundings and unaffected to his shouting. Scooping down to examine something tiny and red on the gravel floor. Irritatingly he asked: ?What in the wORLD?? are you now doing????. He stopped a moment either stunned or amazed to watch the girl calmly put her finger down on the gravel floor to patiently wait for a ladybug to crawl onto it. His mind first went blank to incomprehension and later shifted to the state of complete raging madness: ? What??? You kicked my tire to save a stupid bug??? ARE YOU CRAZY???. Xiao Yu stood up and walked a few steps back. ?Um?sorry??. She just stared at him and defensively, she moved her hand to shield the lady bug who had climbed down safely into the centre of her upturned palms. ?I wanted to shout at you to stop but I know for sure you can?t stop in time. So I have no choice. A life is more precious than a material object. It might not matter to you, but it matters to this lady bug? She open her palms and showed him gleefully the small red bug crawling cautiously in the centre of her palm. ?see? It wouldn?t be walking around like this anymore if your wheels did not stop on the track?. Hwaorang ran his fingers over his front red locks. ? This is crazy! All you care about is that bug?? What about me??? Do you know that you would have caused me an accident??? I could have died from getting on the wrong lane and being hit by an oncoming car!!!?. Xiao Yu shrugged her shoulder: ?well? it is not like there is any car coming and your vehicle is coming on too slow?besides your speed was just crawling speed...it is not as if you were really driving?you aren?t even paying attention to where you were going? Hwaroang sneered at her: ?Oh? Is that right? So You saying that I don?t know where I?m going? I don?t know how to drive??. She pointed her finger towards two girls standing across the school?s yard. ? Well?you were looking at them aren?t you??. The two girls who were listening to their quarrels started giggling and covering their mouths with their hands. Embarassed, Hwaorang grabbed her raised hand and shove it down. He leaned forward and talked under his breathe:. ? stop pointing! Didn?t your mom tell you not to point at strangers?? Xiao Yu retorted: ?Well, did your mom tell you that it is rude to stare and oggle at stranger girls??. Another orchestrated giggle went around the school compound. It seemed their commotion had attracted a lot of attention. Xiao Yu decided to make a run for it when Hwaorang was distracted and unsure of what to do. He couldn?t run after her for fear that someone his motorbike might be stolen. He cursed vehemently as he watched her back disappeared around the corner of the school canteen.
A voice startled her from behind. ? When sweeping, concentrate on sweeping. When reciting, concentrate only on reciting. When meditating, put your heart to it. How can you do something well when you try to do two things at once??. Xiao Yu turned around quickly, by the time she had place her body in the right position for a palm together gesture greeting, he had already quietly disappeared into one of the main prayer halls. She knows he was reading her mind again. All these few years of carefree attitude and unbridled mindfulness was something that the senior monks called ? defilement and being too near the mud?. The abbot or her grandfather had said on the first day of her return: ?When you come to the temple, leave all your worldly cares behind. When you shut the temple gates behind you, it means all your worries, desires and attachment belongs to the outside world. You only bring your bodhi heart with you here. Cultivate and nurture your bodhi heart?. Xiao Yu heaved another sigh. He did not mention anything about Martial arts. Perhaps, she is no longer a child. It is time to strive for things that are of even greater value. She wondered if her heart had retrogress too much on the right path.

?Candles flick on too much?and it cast shadows over the pages?.there is just not enough light..why can?t they install electricity? she moved her candle stand slightly to the left and continued reading the passages of the immeasurable light sutra. "Good people do good and move from happiness to happiness and from brightness to brightness. Bad people do evil and move from pain to pain, and from darkness to darkness?. Flashes of Jin?s face gripped her mind. Closing the sutra book, she carried the candle stand and place it on the floor.
She took out the letter from Hwaorang and re-read again every single word in the letter.


?Hey chinagirl:
So how you are doing in China? Having fun killing your tofus? I still can?t believe you turned into a vegetarian?I thought you like dim sum and those peking ducks. I heard you quit your modelling career too. Law told me you went back home for some kind of ?spiritual quests? ..and I thought here?you were hitting it big on the entertainment industry...I was hoping you can introduce some of your sexy girl friends to me?but?you just gave up on your hollywood dream?what can I say??. Kid.what were you thinking back there?
Well?if that is what you want?I have nothing to say.
So now you are finally back to China, you can have as many tofu as you want. How?s your Panda? I?m here having a good time, killing my steaks. Hmmm, delicious. Anyways..Just to let you know, I might be dropping by and visiting your temple. Man..I can?t wait to challenge those shaolin monks..what you call them? Shih shiong? Anyways? I?m competiting in the world taekwondo tournament around the world?presently I?m now in Korea still?but soon, we?ll be flying to china?.so? See ya kid..don?t greet me with a bald head kay! That will give me a heart attack. You don?t want to kill me do you?

I just found this at one of the magazines. Law sold your pic for $500. That geezer. Anyways, I got it back. It is safe with me now..but I thought it might cheer you up a bit. It did make me laugh when I saw it. Haha..?it reminds me of you back then in high school time. You always have this silly look on you.
Hwaorang

His letter warms her heart. "since when did I start being friends with you again?" she said as if talking to Hwaorang personally.

Taking out the box, she opened it and brought out Jin?s pic. She had took this picture of him standing on the balcony?.she still remember how she had begged him to give her a smile. ?He smiled just to be kind to me?. Jin was smiling?she remembered how estatic she felt when she finally was able to see him smile for the first time.?at that time she never notice. She always beam proudly to herself that she was perhaps the first person to ever take a pic of Jin smiling so kindly. It was the only time when he had let his guard down and although there was no anger or any dark feelings that surround him?sorrow lingers in his eyes ?but now?perhaps years of experience had taught her to see the eyes of loneliness and sorrow. This picture was not a happy one?those eyes were nothing but fear, sorrow and pain. He never smiled afterwards.. He was drowning in his sorrows...he was 19 at that time?19.

and what do I look like when I was 19? .?.still looking as silly as ever.
Ling laughed and put the pics together side by side. ? We look like a couple don?t we? We are meant to be together aren?t we?? Xiao Yu shook her head to stop her mind from gripping the past again. She gently put back all the pics that she had collected throughout the years and stored it safely in a little red china box with a phoenix and a dragon picture carved outside. She wondered what time is it? She still would have to get up at 4 am. It didn?t matter. Somehow...the older she got?the less she could sleep. It almost seemed she had grew into a restless spirit. She could hear the sound of crickets calling and the wind howling feriously outside. She blew off the candle and put the candle outside the doorway so the fumes can whif any direction it wants outside the wind. She went back to her bed of thin mattress and lied there, drawing her thick pink cotton blanket up to her chin for security. Turning sideways , she curled up to sleep.

?everyone?s aura were unhealthy. A dark and almost sickening chi surrounds their being. All of their hearts were poisoined by greed, hatred and delusion. Their greed for victories..yet striving for the moments that will always be impermanent. Perhaps it isnt about the striving. When there is a winner, someone would have to loose. It hurts to see people fighting to kill. They misuse the art of martial arts....this isnt about martial arts anymore?this is people reacting on their anger and hatred deep inside?like a ripple effect, whatever that energy concentrate on, that object will be the target of abuse....it makes them all so cold and hurtful to each other emotionally and physically. Everyone here lacks loving kindness?and without love in their hearts, they can?t manage to be friendly to each other. Although most of them have a high level of concentration which shows during their fights?yet most of them are delusional for holding wrong views..and they spend their spirit and lives concentrating on things that are destructive and consumes them?.none of them knows the true meaning of life. Even if they had won and seek revenge on a fight?.it will all become empty and meaningless down the path?.the human heart in nature are desirous of peace and harmony. I didn?t want to think of them because when I do, I could pick up one of their chis, dark feelings or emotions and it hurts?it hurts my spirit as if these dark feelings, emotions and thoughts were my own. I just want to discard them instantly. I don?t understand how anyone would want these darkness to bind with their spirit and mind..I don?t want to end up like them?like him?.[/pgstyle]