Yoshi's bad day
Yoshimitsu's Bad Day
There have been many catastrophes in our history. Catastrophes that affect both people and individuals. Like the 1st and 2nd World War. In USA, Watergate. In Yugoslavia, the civil war. To me, one Friday. The day that everything went wrong.
I had been painting a picture the previous evening, but I got tired, so I discarded my armor near the paint, and the paint had been dripping from the canvas all night. And all my other armors were being repaired. So guess who had to wear an armor that had all the colors of a rainbow in it. Talk about a bad start.
It got only worse when I heard our cook had gotten sick, so I had to potter about in the kitchen myself if I wanted to have any breakfast. Not only I managed to burn both the porridge and the toast, I burned my nerves as well. And nearly the whole kitchen, too. Luckily there were guards around, but I wonder why they already had equipped themselves with fire extinguishers...
Better yet, we were setting up traps near our village to defend it from potential attacks. Half of our carpenters were sick also (the sickness, as I heard, is unofficially called "hangover") so I had to do their jobs as well. I was given a bow saw and requested to saw a piece of wood for the rest to make the trap. I grab the first wood I see and start sawing. And of course the wood I grabbed was reinforced with steel.
So guess who kissed the blade goodbye.
While the others stifled their laughter, they handed me another blade and told me how to replace the broken blade. In theory, that is. I should just pull a lever as hard as I could, until the bow itself goes off. And really goes OFF.
I've no idea who 10-cent engineer had planned this bowsaw-thing anyway, but in action it wasn't that easy. I couldn't support the round-shaped bow anywhere, meaning when I started pulling the switch the saw span around, trapping my thumb in between the bow and the switch.
After pondering a minute, the only option I figured was to place the saw in between my legs for support. My left foot kept the saw on the ground, my left hand helped out in supporting and I pulled the switch with my right hand. Finally, the damn thing worked, but I wasn't fast enough to dodge the off-going bow that hit me into the worst place below-waist.
You know exactly what place I'm talking about.
The workers carried me to a pond nearby and gave me few cold cloths, but they weren't able to stop laughing anymore. I must admit I laughed myself, too - you know the proverb; laughter beyond tears.
After few hours we had finished trapping the area with catapults. We were collecting our tools when a worker stepped on one by mistake. Strangely, it didn't go off. He jumped on it a few times, and still nothing. He moved aside and I examined the slab. Of course, now that I was crouched over it, the springs went off and the slab was banged straight into my face. The force threw me backwards into the ground, and I figured my mask had bored itself half an inch into my skull. Owwie...
Later on we launched an infiltration to a corrupted corporation that was being upheld by Mishima Zaibatsu. Its vault's contains would prove quite useful in our little conquest to make world a better place, but the way my day had went on, I was certainly unsure about the infiltration. Still, we flew our helicopter up to the top of the building and I leapt to the roof with four other elite ninjas, only to encounter a pack of Jack-2s, Lee Chaolan and surprisingly Bryan Fury, who happened to be raiding the place at the same time as we were. Upon seeing me, Bryan launched an attack and nearly pushed me off the roof. If it hadn't been for a weak, wooden slab on the roof that gave up under Bryan's weight I would be a wet spot on the walking path below. The struggle went on, until we had to abandon our infiltration because there were simply too many Jacks around. As I was withdrawing, I managed to trip into a destroyed Jack, right towards the slab that couldn't take Bryan's weight.
Okay, now I'm hanging from the edge only with my right hand, bearing quite a resemblance to an owl; eyes wide in the face and nails deep in the wood. And as if that hadn't been enough, the wooden edge couldn't take my weight. So I fell down.
And guess twice where.
Right. Into Bryan's neck.
There was quite an action for a while. The room was made of solid concrete and there was only one window. First the glass dropped, then the frames and then the curtains. And then a few wooden bars. And then me. And right after me, Bryan. With a minigun.
We ran about an eternity until we reached the Serene forest. I already headed for our village, but remembering the trap we deployed this morning I hit the brakes just a few feet before the trap. But Bryan didn't. He bumped directly into my back, pushing me onto the top of the catapult. I hoped sincerely that the springs would malfunction in this one as well.
But of course they weren't.
So I flew through the air, scaring up a few pigeons as I went. Luckily I landed into the pond nearby. Splash! All the fish in the pond were thrown out, as well as half of the water as well. I climbed out of the pond, kicked the fish back into the water, taking only few with me as a dinner. But of course I remembered our sick cook when I already was back at the village. I stopped by the kitchen doors to figure what I'd do with the fish, when the door was thrown open right into my face, again. Without noting me, our cook came out with a bottle of sake and retired in his dorm. I threw the fish into the kitchen, sought out a crowbar and dug the mask out of my face. I retired back into my room, took off my armors and threw myself into my bunk. I threw my mask away, and it happened to hit the easel, which collapsed right into my bookshelf, causing it to collapse and all the books drop onto the floor. The bookshelf hit a roof lamp that dropped down, right into my pile of armor. A wave of sparks informed me that the armor malfunctioned because of the strike.
Great. Absolutely great.
I pulled the willow over my head, and only a moment later I heard a knock from my door. A trusted warrior of mine called me through the door, inquiring if I had already gone to sleep. He asked when I would get up.
"The next time Halley's comet crosses our galaxy!"